Dara Goulet Talks and Talks

This week - after learning about concise writing - I started to ponder on how important writing will be for us graduates. Our writing skills are going to be wanted/needed by all of our employers.

The idea that someone could hire me because of my writing skills is kind of daunting. Gosh, I am not ready to go write stuff for a company, and have it be all serious and read by a bunch of people. Then, I got to thinking about all of the other writing I have done in my life. I mean, I have been writing stuff for school since grade 1. Now that I have all of this proper grammar/writing training I feel like I should be embarrassed because of my past work.

Through these feelings, I decided to find some of my old work on my computer, and share it with everyone reading my blog.Let me take everyone back to the glamorous year of 1995. I was a spunky 10-year-old, and I enjoyed writing stories in my spare time. Here is an excerpt from one of my thrilling page-turners called: “My Story”:     

“It was a dark day, not like any other day .  Big huge clouds covered the sky.   A boy named Bob was walking home when a dark figure ran across the side walk then jumped at him , he tried to get the thing off of him but it was stuck to him.  Then the thing sunk it’s sharp teeth into his neck, he tried to call for help but his voice chocked then he died. A year later 3 investigators Agent Moldy, Agent Smelly and Agent No Believer {Agent No Believer’s nick name is Nob} came there to find out the mystery of the “Black Thing”.  They asked some people.” 

Let me tell you what we have gained from this example:
1. I was a disturbed 10-year-old
2. What the hell kind of nickname is “Nob”?
3. Obviously X-Files parodies were the height of popularity in 1995
4. My writing skills have improved since 1995

Let us fast-forward a couple of years and check out some of my writing from Gr. 12. I took a writer’s craft course which I loved and I got to write a lot of fun things. Here is a piece taken from my “descriptive” essay entitled: “Death House: Population Brian”:   

   “He was face to face with the door now.  Rubbing his hands together, he felt the warm sweat mix.  Brian inhaled, trying to prepare himself for the worst.  His hand jutted out from his side, trying to get a firm grip on the door handle.  His attempt failed, for the handle was coated in a slimy substance.  He pull his hand away quickly, and moved it into the light, squinting to see it better.  The beam of light rested on his hand, and his eyes widened with fear.  His right hand was coated with a deep red slime. 

Upon closer inspection, there seemed to be small flecks of a white, harder substance.  With silent dread, Brian wiped his hand on the back of his thigh, turning his beige pants a mauve/brain colour.  Being so close to the door, the smell that was emitting from the room became more powerful.  The smell started to become even more familiar.  It took him back to the days he worked as a nurse.  Using his foot, feeling the pressure, he inched the door open.” 

The anticipation builds! What is behind that door? To find out, please leave me a comment and I will gladly e-mail you this beautiful masterpiece.

Now, let me tell you what we have learned from THIS example:

1. 7 years later, I was still a disturbed individual
2. I am still surprised that I did not have to meet with a guidance counselor after this gem
3. Although this is not the type of writing we have been taught this year, I do think it has an odd charm

Finally, let’s end this lovely trip down memory lane with a piece from one of my essay’s that I wrote at Brock. To break away from my disturbing awful murder and violence trend, this piece is the conclusion to my essay entitled: “Miss Piggy and the Unruly Woman”:     

“Over the years, Miss Piggy has made her image known, by being loud, large and in charge.  Even in seemingly unimportant things, such as the cover art of The Great Muppet Caper, Miss Piggy is shown front and center, to match her personality, and attitude toward life.  In many situations, she becomes the man in her relationship with Kermit the Frog, by performing the stereotypical male roles.  She demonstrates her unruliness through her dominant gaze, and through her defiance of the patriarchal ideals.  Although the fact that she is voiced by a male somewhat undermines the feminine message that she produces, she will always be seen as a role model for women of all ages.  With her karate kicks, and her back-talking attitude, Miss Piggy never lets any male take the upper hand, which is one of the many reasons why she is pegged as an unruly woman, and will forever be seen as one, throughout pop culture history.”     

What delicious academic writing! Perhaps I should have highlighted an essay where I wrote about “mise en scene” and “juxtaposition of theological cinema verite.” By big film words could have impressed you…for two seconds, until you realized that I spent 4 years getting a film degree. 

I digress: What we have learned from this example:
1. Academic writing is a bunch of, pardon my French, bullshit
2. Miss Piggy is an unruly woman
3. I do not miss writing 12 page papers

Now I bet everyone (who has lasted this far) is saying: “No one cares about your old writing, Goulet!” But I have a point.

Even if we are not 100% sure of our writing skills right now as we go off to our internships, we can take comfort in the fact that we have become much better writers since 1995. I might not know every single grammar rule, but at least I do not write sentences like I used to….     

“Then they saw it the thing that got Bob it was black like the people said but it wasn’t death and it wasn’t the creature from the black lagoon and it wasn’t the Ogopogo either but it was a thing like the girl had said.”